Firstly, I want to thank my higher power for the opportunity to share my experience, strength, and hope with another fellow human ❤️ 🙏.
And so my name is Yossi and I'm a grateful recovering ADDICT.
And the reason that the title of my story is "IT DONT MAKE SENSE" = is because when I first came in to the program , I heard people saying "I'm a grateful recovering ADDICT " or even seeing them just smile and laugh and talk about small AND big things, it literally did NOT make any sense to me how any human can do or say that without holding "something" in there hand . But, after being in a place where it was either 'just go to that meeting' or continue with the way I was, - path leading to 6 ft under . - then and only then was I willing to just say "OK FINE"
Because for me, I grew up in a very religious/isreali/chasidish home and environment, and always felt different and not good enough. The saying "DO THIS/DONT DO THAT >OR ELSE< ...,"was basically drilled into me since very young age. and after all the abuse and everything, I found something magical that took everything in my head away and it did for me what I always wanted - peace and quiet in the head. But after all the non-stop using and trying to find ways and means to get more. always "just one more" / this time will be different/ I got this, = always led me to depression and really dark places and just plain "unmanageability".
But then, after my whole family and therapist and even friends were telling me “You need help" and "GO TO THAT MEETING!!, I had someone tell me "DONT GET CLEAN, JUST GO TO THE MEETING"
Then, I said OK FINE (only becasue my life was going down really fast ) and I went. Turns out it was NOT a bunch of old rabbeim sitting in a circle and telling me "DO THIS/DONT DO THAT OR ELSE! , but rather it was a bunch of friendly people that simply and ONLY shared THEIR OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCES and how like "I literally was there where you are and this is what I did and this is where I am today" and that was something completely new to me and I wanted what they had "peace and quiet in the head”.
And so I came back the next one and after being in a hospital bed being told "if you continue, you will die!, then I heard that person saying his experience and how "he was exactly where I was , and what he did to get out of that cycle and so I just continued to "KEEP COMING BACK " and again and again and I just started being a tiny bit more open and where I am today is a result of the program (God willing, celebrating a significant amount of clean time/have a job that I actually like/am able to tell my mom I love you/being able to breath without thinking "where and how am I gonna get one more?... and when I do these simple NOT EASY things, = I have that peace and quiet in the head that I always wanted. And if you read this till now, YOU LITERALLY CAN TOO !!!
LOVE YOU :))
Yossi
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